I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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