just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
