put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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