girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
