Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize