he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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