I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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