If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize