9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
