I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
