I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
