my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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