I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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