Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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