i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
