Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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