I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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