Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
