bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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