You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
