he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
