I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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