It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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