Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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