I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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