....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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