My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize