I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
