If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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