she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
