i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
