cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The air was thick with penises
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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