Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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