your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he thought i was a dude.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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