it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
