I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
