my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
