no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
