dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I faked an abortion last night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
