So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
