the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
