When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
