remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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