Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
