So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
