can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
