How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
