so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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