so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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