Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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