is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
