So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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