Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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