I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
