I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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