help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
