walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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