You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
