Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
false alarm, still single
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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