spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
