you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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