walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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