Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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