he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize