What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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