i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
