Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
