the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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