How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
