So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
