he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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