I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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