I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize