So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
