I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
