I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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