i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
