It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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