its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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