why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize