summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
