My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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