Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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