I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
