some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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