Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
