the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So apparently I’m into choking now
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