How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
