We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize