That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
