The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
