Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
