see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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