Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
