is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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