Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
