Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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