ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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