i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
