I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
