I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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